Listen to your child

Imagine a game where one person has many needs, continuously coming up but the person cannot speak or move or do much. The only things the person can do are perhaps squirm, move the arms and legs (that too with least precision), laugh and cry. We are expected to identify that there’s a need at present, guess the need, try multiple things to meet the need, and through trial and error and feedback from the person, find the correct solution most of the times and yet deal with the person’s frustration and protests when we are not able to arrive at the correct solution. As tiring as the game may be, gradually you become adept at identifying the needs, the guesswork and meeting the needs in the way that is preferred by the person. The person also gets more and more efficient at giving feedback and communicating. This is the dance we do in the initial months with our baby.

The key is to listen deeply. Which means to stop all your actions, to lower the volume of your internal chatter, to step into the shoes of the child, to tune into what the child must be going through or feeling and to try to make sense of the communication in that context. Eg a child may be crying because the child is hungry or sleepy or both or uncomfortable or hot or cold or needs physical touch or needs the comforting voice or smell of the parent or has colic or hasn’t had enough sleep before or the lighting is uncomfortable or the sounds around are not comfortable and so many other things. It helps to pause and deeply listen to the context and the communication both.

Activity:

Next time your baby communicates:

• stop all your actions
• lower the volume of your internal chatter
• step into the shoes of the child
• tune into what the child must be going through or feeling
• Try to tune into the context
• try to make sense of the communication in that context